As I wade through all the accumulated "stuff", I realize that there are way too many "guilt items". These are the wonderful little mementos of love and affection that Joey and I have been showered with by our children and grandchildren. Even our loving family members have chosen tokens of their affection that fill our home. Now the problem looms: what to do with all this "love". Ok, I know that this stuff isn't really love, but the wonderful memories and time that went into them are special and I'm really struggling with what to do with them. I've read articles that say to take a picture of the items, then toss them. Hmmm.... really? I don't know. As I ponder these things I begin to realize that there is a certain dose of guilt attached to them. I know that I am not tossing the person with the item. The person is not the item. The item is not the memory. I can carry the memory with me wherever I go without being weighed down with the item. The guilt comes from what would they think if they knew that I got rid of "it". With the majority of these things, chances are slim that they even remember them. Heck, there are many that I know that one of the kids gave it to me, but I'll be darned if I can remember which one. So the house is filled with "stuff". Stuff that I know I can't take with me (even metaphorically), and stuff I really don't have room for. Keep the best and get rid of the rest. Keeping one (ish) representative item for each family member sounds like a goal to shoot for, but oh, which item? In steps guilt again. I struggle with this. I'm beginning to see that these loved ones want us to be happy and guilt free. They would want us to remember the love and care that the gift shared represented, not to be burdened by it or the implied guilt of abandoning it.
Some of the problem seems to stem from growing up with parents that were products of the Great Depression. Some of that type of mindset almost has a flavor of hoarding to it. My folks weren't just dirt poor when they were growing up. Dirt would have been considered a luxury item. Momma had a little story that she used to share with us about moving that could be elemental in my life right now. When she was a little girl growing up in the Dust Bowl Era her Daddy had to move around a lot to find work. They had been working at a ranch for quite some time and had started to settle in. We all know that "settle in" is another expression for accumulated stuff. One day her Daddy walked into the house with an armload of apple crates. He gave one to each child and said that whatever they could fit in the box they could take with them when they moved on. The inventory of the box would have to include clothes, toys, books. One box per person. That's all. When I look at all the accumulation of "treasures" in my home and life today I need to ask myself: What would I put in my apple crate?
"Being surrounded by the detritus of old times,old projects, old hobbies, old studies, old intentions, and especially unfinished ones, is one of the best ways to breed and nurture guilt and regret." Meg Wolfe
"Don't burden your heirs with the task of sorting through your clutter, and agonizing over its fate. Streamline your possessions as best you can while you're still here, instead of passing on your junk to the next generation." Francine Jay
First of all tell me what derritus means. :) Great insight though about how stuff is not really stuff at times but memories, anchors to the past - see my post about the Ford truck.
ReplyDeleteAs a clutter phobe who has made several moves and had to make hard - though not as hard as you - decisions such as what to keep here are a few suggestions.
Start with getting rid of any extraneous items with no sentimental value. Are you really going to wear that Christmas sweater or read those books again? Or use those dishes? Be merciless! Toss it - if you do not use it.
Then the sentimental items. Sounds simple I know but ask yourself first are they attatched to good memories. Sometimes we hang on to stuff from "family". Only to look up one day and say "know what - never liked 'em". If the memories are good there are no easy fixes. Ask yourself and only you know this in your heart - what can I part with? What must be kept? Or what must be given to each of your daughters? For me one or two items that exemplify (right word?) that person in my mind is what I keep. My grandmother's tea pitcher that was one of the first things I saw when I visited. A love letter of my grandparents. My dad's books - well, some of them. A couple of my mom's old cookbooks. Hmmm, I guess everything I just named was not something given to me or bought especially for me as a gift but something that belonged to that other person. That was a part of their day to day life. Interesting.
Great story about your mom by the way. You should flesh out that story into a blog post or short story. "Dirt would have been a luxury." LOL . . your turn to comment and FOLLOW (I need more than 1 follower) my blog.
Luv ya